London Has Fallen is a terrible movie.
You know this, I know this, we all know this. But really, it’s worth noting that this film is actively corrosive on every level, vile right to its core. It’s the movie equivalent of a hydrochloric acid spillage on an industrial landfill leaking into a pristine river full of rare sealife and subsequently the water supply for the city of Vancouver. If you could smell this movie, it would smell of gun smoke created by Ted Cruz cooking his bacon on a barrel of a machine gun like he did that one time.
London Has Fallen is a terrible movie, but I’m not here to review it. More talented people than me have already done that. I’m also not here to critique its politics, as I have been reliably informed by classmates that I am a dirty communist. No, kids, I am here purely because…
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